I don't even know what to say anymore? I got thinking about it-why do I want a baby so bad? Is it because of the smell of a clean little angel, the cute little clothes, shoes, bedding, everything little, the cuddles and coo's, the changing a diaper to sooth them, the feeding and bonding, the fact that I could create something so complex, something that me and Jeremy have created together? I just don't know? Probably a combination of them all. Now that I have gotten the fear and self pity out of the way I am ready. I am ready to get this show on the road! I am ready to stab myself several times a day, to have a dildo cam stuck up me several times a week, to have the blood sucked out of me several times a week, and to miss many hours of work while doing this. I am ready to see my ovaries grow to the size of lemons, to be so bloated, and hormonal that the pregnancy will be a breeze!

I am really excited to meet with Dr. Heiner this weekend, and see what our schedule will be and how soon we can get after this! Jeremy is also showing a little more interest in the process, I mean I think that after this appt. he will maybe comprehend it a little more, but any progress/interest is better than nothing! As for lately we are just giving it all we have for one last hope :)