There isn't a lot in this world I can say I honesty hate. It is such a strong word in my opinion. However, I can remember exactly why I hate the Lupron Depot shots. Uncontrollable hatred is all I feel while on it. Anger. Frustration. Cramping. Bleeding. And hate. I had my first injection almost 2 weeks ago and the side effects have hit their peak. Luckily I decided to remodel Tootsies room during this time to try and keep my frustration at a minimum since I have somewhere to go and just be busy. I think this has turned to bite me in the ass, however. I HATE the colors of her room. Nothing like spending 3 days prepping and painting to walk in and cringe when you see it, and since she likes it I guess it stays. Since she has nowhere to put her stuff she has been throwing it all over the house, which in turn makes me frustrated for having to do more cleaning. I am at a low today. I seriously could walk out and just unleash on anyone and everyone I see. Instead, I grabbed two beers and headed for a bubble bath, in tears.
I am so tired of bleeding all the time, I am tired of having zero sex drive, Iam tired of rand one emotional melt downs, I am tired of always cleaning up messes, I am tired of my foot constantly aching, I am tired. Maybe I just need a good night sleep. Well, shit that ain't going to happen. Better put on my big girl panties and get after it.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Hate.
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Today my child I got a glimpse of your pain. Today I held a tiny innocent child in my arms and ask WHY? At 29 weeks this small 2lb child was brought into this world to a mother who is addicted to not only Heroin but also Meth and I ask myself why? I know that you long for your arms to hold and heart to love another small one. And I know that you have that love to give. I know that you and Jeremy have the means to do just this. And I ask myself why? Today my child I want you to know that you are LOVED beyond measure. I can not change the cards that life has give you. I do want you to know that I will listen and not judge. YOU ARE LOVED. Life sometimes just is not fair. Yes everything happens for a reason. We just don't always understand why. Love you my child. Hope that you feel these arms of mine around you.
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