The Start.

Now I have the warnings out of the way I can get down to emotions.

I have my 1st consultation with Dr. Slater (RE (reproductive endocrinologist) in Boise) on Sept. 19th at 9am. They are sending me a packet I need to fill out and return before then, I also had to call Dr. Young (OB/GYN in Orem) and have them fax all of my records up to her. The consultation is done over the phone so I don't have to travel up there until the actual ER (egg retrieval) and ET (egg transfer). I will be having all the blood work and ultrasounds done in Dr. Young's office for convenience. I am really hoping that this consultation will give me a realistic view of what to expect and in what time frame.

Jeremy says I can't plan everything, I can't say I am going to get pregnant in December and have it in Aug. and name it Summer because that is when it is due, and I can't choose if it is a boy/girl. Life is just not meant to be like that. He said I need to just enjoy my life right now and not worry about the future. That is sooooo hard to do when ALL I see when I go to the grocery store (or anywhere for that matter) is kids, and pregnant women. He says that I am only 25 and most women outside of Utah aren't even thinking of having kids for another 5-7 years. That is when I asked him if HE really wanted to start having kids at the age of 37?! and what happens if we couldn't have kids....it may take another year or 2 to adopt or decide what we wanted to do. Does HE really want to start a family at 40??? I doubt it, but I don't think he sees it that way. I DO understand where he is coming from as far as I am still young, however, what if this miracle procedure DOESN'T work??? Then what? I have just been having a TON of doubt about this...just about what happens if it doesn't work. How devastated I would be. I know I can't think about that...I have to think +++. I know my opinion will change about it, and hopefully I will get some good news from the RE about my personal success rate.

I know I have a cyst on my left ovary, which from what I have heard they won't let you start until it is gone. This is why I made my appointment so early I think, just in case I need to be on BCP's (birth control pills) for a few months to make it go away. The thing that sucks the worst about cysts is that they hurt. It is like having period cramps all month! It is just on the one side, but it is really irritating. I am supposed to start my period next thurs. which is why I am so emotional as of yesterday (usually get moody a week before). I am really not looking forward to that starting due to the fact that is when I have the hardest time dealing with baby stuff, and I get the wonderful opportunity to go to a baby shower!!! I love Holly to death, but I am really hoping I make it through without any breakdowns....I can do it! I can do it!